Boy Waterman is the answer to everything

With Polish Premyszlaw Tyton as the supposed first keeper of PSV Eindhoven for the 12/13 season and young talent Jeroen Zoet in need of playing minutes, technical director Marcel Brands had a question to answer: ‘Who would become the second goalkeeper at PSV Eindhoven?’ The answer was obvious. Boy Waterman. After Tyton showed poor form for a few games, PSV-manager Dick Advocaat coped with a dilemma as well. ‘Who will be my first keeper now?’ He knew the question was rather rhetorical. Boy Waterman. Boy Waterman is the answer to everything and Marcel and Dick know it.

It is hardly a surprise ‘the Boy’ is so special. Born in Lelystad, he is one of the chosen few born in a province that was mere water only 70 years ago. On the day of his birth (24-1-1984), the first Apple Macintosh computer was introduced. Both turned out quite the success. Apple Macintosh as a computer, Waterman as a goalkeeper. Some might say Apple is more successful than Waterman, but the facts are in Waterman’s favour. Whereas an Apple-employee earns around 57.000 dollars a year. For that kind of money, Waterman wouldn’t even lift a glove. He knows he’s quality and he deserves a nice pay-check. In the 29 years between their ‘birth’ and now, Waterman had travelled distances in order to improve.

Nurtured at SV Lelystad ’67, a football club founded in the same year as the city itself, it was soon clear he was a man among boys when it came to the football game. Ajax was convinced of his talents and added him to the acclaimed Ajax youth academy set-up. Although never confirmed, it is

rumoured he left the club due to having difficulties with the name of the Amsterdam club. When Boy first joined the club, he assumed Ajax was named after Greek hero ‘Ajax the Great’. It turned out they weren’t. Ajax Amsterdam was ‘Ajax the lesser’ and Waterman couldn’t play for a club naming itself after ‘Locrian’ Ajax, as he is known too.

He then joined the ranks of Frisian club SC Heerenveen and that is where his career really kicked off. He made his debut and turned pro on the 25th of February 2004 and more than a year before Apple turned the Macintosh into Macbook Pro. With other events on that day being the premiere ‘The Passion of the Christ’, it was no surprise how Waterman’s career at Heerenveen went. Due to injury, he never fully established himself as a first team goalkeeper and in the end, he was haunted out in ‘Gibsonesque’ fashion. Loved by many, misunderstood by some. In January 2007, Louis van Gaal was running rule at AZ with the earlier mentioned Marcel Brands as technical director. AZ  had injury problems, with goalkeepers Joey Didulica and Khalid Sinouh injured. Van Gaal asked Brands for a new goalkeeper and the answer was Boy Waterman.

In May 2007, Boy Waterman was the answer again, but sadly enough for Van Gaal and Brands to the wrong question. AZ were top and with one game to go they were looking to become champions for the first time in 25 years. An away game at Excelsior in Rotterdam was the last fixture. Excelsior were 16th, deemed to play relegation play-offs. A weak team with nothing to play for. What could go wrong? You might have guessed it by now already: Boy Waterman.

With a 0-0 score, Waterman (which is Dutch for star-sign ‘Sagittarius’) was sent off after only 20 minutes and you could not fault his team-mates for effort, but without the sheer quality of their star goal-keeper, AZ were doomed. AZ lost 3-2, Alkmaar cried and Eindhoven cheered, as they saw PSV picking up the title. Meanwhile, Netherlands under 21-coach Foppe de Haan had seen enough. If a team can collapse so dramatically after losing a player, that player must be really special. And his team needed someone really special in order to win the European U-21 Championships. They were reigning champions and now, in the Netherlands only a consecutive title win would be good enough. It goes without saying they succeeded, or better put, the Boy succeeded. An empathic 4-1 win (Boy let one in out of pity) over Serbia in the final crowned a successful tournament for the Dutch.

Back at AZ, Louis van Gaal was looking for a scapegoat for their recent failure and after a few months he had found the solution. Boy was the unfortunate answer and was loaned out to ADO Den Haag in (08/09, 09/10) and De Graafschap (10/11) respectively after both clubs had questioned their main man’s abilities. A year at Alemannia Aachen followed and then Marcel Brands had a question again. And he had seen how Boy had grown and developed. From boy to water to man.

With six games to go, PSV and Ajax are the only clubs who control their faith regarding winning the title. Who knows who runs away with it? One man. Boy Waterman.

To prove he really is the answer to everything, here are some random composed questions.

– Who is standing among the ‘living people’-category in Wikipedia?

– Who has a name that suggests he is fluid, but is actually concrete?

– Who shares his first name with a singer?

– Who shares his first name with a singer of the Culture Club?

– Who has a profession that requires wearing gloves?

– Who has a name that is a star-sign, while he actually is another star-sign?

– Who has a name that resembles the brand name of a pen company?

– Who is the father of a kid?

The answers are obvious. Boy Waterman. Boy Waterman, Boy Waterman, Boy Waterman.

And remember, if there’s a question and he wasn’t the answer, it wasn’t a real question either.

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